


You Give Me Hope

by Brook



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/M, Help, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 12:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brook/pseuds/Brook
Summary: When she was younger Abby struggled with an eating disorder. After Jake and Clarke are ripped from her life it returns in full force. Marcus notices something is wrong and wants to help her.





	You Give Me Hope

When she meets Jake everything gets easier. It’s not a perfect cure of course, love doesn’t fix everything and neither does he, but it does get easier. Then Clarke is born and that very nearly is the perfect cure. It’s hard to forget to eat when you have a baby to feed, nearly impossible to forgive yourself for not taking care of your body when there’s another life depending on you. 

So for a nearly two decades she copes. She eats and she just takes care of her kid and lets Jake love her, lets both of the show her how important and valuable she is. It's easier to believe she’s worth something when Jake is whispering into her skin how beautiful she is, when her little girl looks at her like she’s the world. 

But then the unthinkable happens and she loses him. Not only that but two days later and Clarke is arrested as well. And suddenly it’s all too easy to fall back into her old patterns, to revert back to her old ways. 

It starts with just forgetting. It’s not a big deal that she forgets to eat when she’s stuck in medical twentyforseven. It's quite logical really. Being a doctor takes a lot of time and it’s not too strange that she forgets to eat every now and then. 

But that’s just the beginning. Soon it becomes not eating because she’s not hungry, not eating because she intentionally keeps busy. And that easily turns into not eating because other people need it more, to not eating because she doesn’t deserve to. 

If she gives herself time to think about it even a little bit she knows very well she’s falling back into old patterns. If she really considers it for even a second she knows how sad Jake would be to see her losing herself like this. 

Jake isn’t here though, so there is no one around to take notice, no one around to care enough to make her eat. 

It’s not until they come to the ground that she really considers it a problem. On the Ark there was always the excuse of food shortages and rationing. Now though, on the ground, it’s not that easy. 

Sure, they still have to be mindful of how many resources they use, but with daily hunting parties and a whole new overture of food, it get’s tricky. 

But despite that, it’s still manageable. The only one she’s really close to is Jackson and he’s learned long ago not to ask. She figures Kane might have cared if he were here, but he’s on a rescue mission to save her daughter. 

She’s clever about it. Has to be really. With her added duties as chancellor she can’t go running herself in the ground. And she’d never forgive herself if she collapsed before Clarke is safe again. 

So she eats enough to keep her going, enough so that she can get through her day without any physical consequences, without growing too dizzy or weak. And she manages, like she’s done her entire life. She survives. 

It all changes again when Clarke returns, because Clarke knows. Even though they’ve never openly discussed it her daughter is smart enough to have figured it out on her own. The day she’d been arrested she’d told Abby to take care of herself. 

She’s not sure this counts. 

But still, with everything that’s going on it’s easy to keep the focus on something else. They have mount weather to worry about, peace talks with Lexa and her people, not to mention the daily tasks that come with running a camp. 

Abby thinks Marcus might know. They’ve been spending an increasing amount of time together now that Clarke seems intent to challenge her every move. He’s become more of a friend than she could ever have predicted back on the Ark, but now she can’t imagine life without him. 

Only in Mount Weather does she come to realise just how much he cares about her. The desperation in his voice is so clear when she’s strapped to the table that she feels her heart break. Even through her own screams she can hear him pleading with their captors. 

The pain as the drill enters her knee is excruciating, she can feel every movement, can feel it hitting the bone. Her inner doctor is vaguely aware that their technique is the proper one but that’s not something she can focus on through the ache she feels. 

It stops suddenly and she has half a second to be relieved before they insert the needle to extract her bone marrow. The tissue is still horribly sensitive and gets irritated again, but it’s manageable. 

Abruptly the needle is roughly pulled from her body and she can hear more people screaming. From her position on the table she can’t tell what’s happening but the agonised screams are enough. 

Radiation. 

Abby can hear someone coming in, can hear Marcus screaming for Octavia to get the keys from the guard and release him, and then he’s on her, and loosening the straps that bind her to the table. 

“Marcus?” She croaks out, voice hoarse from screaming. He unfastens the belt around her neck and strokes a thumb along her jaw. “It’s okay Abby, I’m here, it’s okay”. 

He makes quick work of the straps around her wrists and then moves to her ankles as she sits up gingerly, ignoring the ache in her leg. 

Looking around frantically she feels panic claw at her heart. “Clarke?”. Marcus hears her and comes rushing to her. “She was in the control room, she’s on her way, you’ll see her soon”. 

She nods shakily but doesn’t question him. The faith and dedication in his voice are enough to calm her fraying nerves and she focusses instead of gently lowering her legs of the table. 

“Abby…” He starts to say, clearly considering how to formulate whatever is on his mind, but before he can finish his sentence Clarke’s voice floats over from the doorway. “Mom!”. 

The reunion with her daughter is emotional and Abby holds onto her for dear life. Clarke sobs into her shoulder and Abby just tightens her grip and rubs a hand up and down her spine. 

After a while Clarke calms down and pulls back a bit. “We should get moving, we can deal with the aftermath later, right now we need to get our people home”. 

Abby wants to argue but knows that it wouldn’t be any use right now. Besides, she really wants to get out of here. So she just nods and moves to get off of the table. 

Before she can actually get to standing though Marcus is at her side, hand on her right shoulder, while Clarke gingerly holds her hips in place. “What do you think you’re doing?” Marcus asks. 

“I need to help with the evacuation. There are people who need medical attention” Abby says, but Marcus and Clarke shake their heads. “Absolutely not” Marcus replies, “You’re the one who needs medical attention. You’re not going anywhere unless it’s on a stretcher”. 

Abby starts to protest but Clarke silences her with a look. “Mom, please, we won’t be able to focus on anything else if we’re worried about you. Just let us take care of you okay?”. 

Recognising this is a fight she’s not going to win, Abby relents. “Fine, but we need to get everyone out of here, one of you needs to…”. 

“I’ll make sure everyone get outside” Clarke interrupts her, “Kane can you take my mom up?”. 

Abby scowls and wants to protest that she’s right there but Marcus just nods and moves in closer. “Make sure you ask a couple of guards to take some stretcher with them, we’re going to need them”. 

With one last nod Clarke moves away and Abby watches her go with an ache in her heart. Her daughter has had to grow up way too fast, has had to make choices no one should ever have to make, and it’s all because of her. 

Marcus rubs the hand that’s still on her shoulder down her arm, causing her to look at him. “She’ll be all right, she’s strong”. Abby simply nods, unable to say anything without falling apart completely, and smiles weakly. 

“How’s your knee?” He asks, “It’s probably easiest if I just carry you up instead of putting you on a stretcher, but I don’t wanna put too much strain on your leg”. 

Abby starts to protest, “Marcus you are not going to carry me, you’re own leg has only just healed. I can walk”. He shakes his head vigorously. “No you can’t, and you promised Clarke you’d let me help you”. 

It’s a cheap shot, using her daughter against her, but it works and she finally consents. “Fine, just pick me up however, I’ll be fine”. Before she can say anything else (or change her mind) Marcus swiftly picks her up. 

His left arm goes around her back and the right under her knees. Abby’s arms automatically find their way around his neck but he doesn’t need the help. He cradles her to his chest as if she weighs nothing, and Abby suddenly feels very conscious about how obviously her bones are sticking out of her skin. 

The look on Marcus face makes it clear that he feels that she’s too light, feels her ribs protruding, but thankfully he doesn’t mention it, at least not yet. He just holds her tightly and carefully and walks them out of the mountain. 

Once they’re outside he gently sets her down on a rock and with a promise to be back later, leaves to go help Clarke supervise the evacuation. 

It takes them forever to reach Arkadia, the progress slow going with so many wounded and fatigued people. Marcus is by her side the entire time, holding on to her hand and anchoring them to each other. She’s not sure who made the first move to intertwine their fingers but neither does she care, the touch is too comforting to ever imagine letting go. 

The first person that comes rushing her way as they walk through the gates of camp is Jackson. From there on everything’s a blur. People are moved into medical, discharged, new sleeping quarters are assigned. 

Abby just watches it all happen from a cot in medical. Jackson had threatened to strap her in if she even thought about moving so she’s obediently staying put. She knows Marcus is busy taking care of the rest of camp and it gives her the chance to let her mind wander. 

And her mind is not a good place to be. 

Some time later (could be minutes, could be hours, Abby’s lost all track of time) Marcus comes back to check on her. It’s evening now so most of their people have returned to their beds, only some guards and medical staff still awake. 

He’s carrying a tray of food and Abby feels her heart drop into her stomach. She sits up and gives him a watery smile. 

“Hey” He says, setting the tray on her nightstand and taking a seat on the chair next to her bed, “how are you feeling?”. 

She considers the question, considers lying to him, but then Marcus has always been good at reading her and seeing through her untruths, and she’s tired. “Guilty” She says. 

A look of pain flashes over Marcus’ face, “Why? Abby, you have nothing to feel guilty about”. She huffs out a laugh. “Don’t I?” She asks bitterly, “What about forcing my daughter to make hard choices? Not being able to help my people? Not being good enough?”. 

She turns to face the wall so she doesn’t have to meet his eyes. But Marcus just grabs her hands in his, forcing her to acknowledge him anyway. “Listen to me Abby, none of this is your fault. You are doing the best you can”. 

“My best isn’t good enough!” She snarls, and she’s surprised by her own bite. Marcus only seems worried, and he doesn’t back down. “Is that why you haven’t been eating? Because you think you don’t deserve to?”. 

Her head snaps up, deer caught in the headlights, quickly looking back to the wall when she realises her mistake. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” She mumbles, almost inaudibly. 

“Give me some credit Abby” He says, and it sounds frustrated, “Do you really think I haven’t noticed? You’re skin and bones, I haven’t seen you at mealtime in weeks and you weigh almost nothing”. 

He grips her hands even more tightly. “Please Abby” he pleads, his voice now holding a clearly distinguishable note of desperation, “Let me help you, talk to me, I wanna help you”. 

Abby doesn’t dare look at him. She wants to believe him so badly, wants to let him in, but she can’t let herself have hope only to have it taken away again. “What makes you think you can Marcus” She asks, then adding, without meaning too, “I’ve been dealing with this since I was fifteen”. 

Her voice breaks on the last word and she can almost feel the sympathy oozing out of Marcus. “I don’t know if I can, or how, all I know is that I’ll try anything.” He says, “I can’t lose you Abby”. 

There’s something distinct about the way he says he can’t lose her, as if it’s about more than her skills as a doctor, and she’s afraid to ask. But then she’s already in too deep not to. 

“Why?”. 

“Because you’re amazing. You’re kind hearted, caring, and strong. You fight for what you believe in, and you give people hope”. He pauses, as if bracing himself for what he’s about to say next. “I want to help you because I’m falling in love with you”.

The sentence sounds clear and true, so completely sincere that it’s impossible to not believe him, even if she’d try. 

“I don’t know what to do” She admits quietly, voice so small it’s almost inaudible. She skips over the latter of his comments because that’s not something she can deal with right now. 

Abby’s been staring at her lap all this time but now Marcus gently cups her jaw in one hand and turns her to face him. “Me neither” he admits, “But we’ll figure it out, together”. 

Abby smiles sadly at him and grips the hand that’s still cupping her cheek. “It could take years Marcus, what are we even gonna do all that time?”. 

“We’ll see what works as we go along” Marcus answers, “for now we’ll eat together. And I’ll keep reminding you how amazing you are, if you’ll let me”. He hesitates again, “I don’t wanna pressure you, or make you uncomfortable, but it’s true, and I’ll tell you every day if I have to. I’m not going anywhere”.

There’s no fighting his sincerity, and she doesn’t want to anyway. Abby surges forward and captures his mouth in a kiss. She can’t tell him how she feels yet, but she can show him, and nothing matters anymore because he’s falling in love with her and she loves him too and she finally feels hopeful again. 

Marcus freezes for a second, always so careful not to cross her boundaries, but then he kisses her back, and she opens her lips to allow him access. The kiss is soft and sweet and passionate and everything she could’ve wanted. 

When they finally part Abby grabs his hands and holds them tight. “Thank you Marcus”. He pulls his hands free and encircles them around her, kissing her forehead as he does so.

She burrows her face into his shoulder and suddenly feels tears pool her eyes. Marcus rubs a hand up and down her spine and it’s enough to make them fall. Abby sobs into his t-shirt and clings to his back. He just holds her and keeps rubbing her back, muttering comforting words into her hair. 

After a little while Abby can feel herself calming down. Marcus is still holding her, and she knows he won’t stop unless she’s the one to move away. She takes a few more minutes to compose herself but then reluctantly extracts herself from his arms. 

“I’m sorry about…” she starts to say, but Marcus shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for”. Abby smiles and traces his jaw with her thumb. 

She squares her shoulders and sits up a bit straighter. “Okay” She says, taking a deep breath and reaching for the plate of food that Marcus brought her, “Now will you please tell me how the rest of the camp is doing”. 

Marcus seems to realise that she needs something else to focus on while she eats, immediately starts of a detailed report of how everything is faring. He’s already put a council meeting on the schedule but nothing is critical and he assures her he can handle it. 

His report finishes only a few minutes after she’s stopped eating and he looks at his watch. “It’s getting late, you should get some sleep” he says, expecting to be met with her usual refusal. 

Instead she nods, and hesitates as she contemplates something. But at this point she’s pretty sure Marcus would do anything she asks, and if she’s honest with herself she really needs this right now. 

“Will you lay with me?” She asks in a breathless whisper. 

If the request surprises him he doesn’t show it. “Of course” he simply replies, as he moves to shrug of his guard jacket. Abby moves closer to the wall while he toes of his boots and makes room for him. 

Marcus lays down and opens his arms to invite her in. Abby immediately burrows into his side, head pillowed on his chest and legs tangled together. His arms circle around her tightly and it makes her feel safe. 

Exhaustion finally gets the better of her and Abby feels herself slipping away as Marcus’ hands stroke her back. Before she finally drifts of he kisses the top of her head. 

“It’s going to be okay” Marcus murmurs into her hair. And somehow… She believes him.


End file.
